The Feminism of Initiating Sex

I was listening to a Ted Talk this morning about sexless marriages and how this leads to affairs and dissatisfaction within the marriage.

I found it interesting and there was something that stuck out to me that she touches on. How women are so much less likely to initiate sex, and how this frustrates men and leads to tension in a relationship. I was curious to know more so I researched reasoning behind why women are less likely to initiate. I knew that it had less to do with a desire for sexual activity and more to do with other issues, but that’s not why I decided to write a blog post about this.

I believe that sex is so important, I am a firm believer that sexual compatibility is a huge factor in a successful relationship. It helps connect people, you can love many people but connecting sexually takes a relationship to another level, a level that you never reach with friends or family (hopefully?). So I typed into the Google bar “women initiating sex”. What came up discouraged me incredibly.

The first seven articles were from magazines or sex websites, letting the viewer know “10 ways to get yourself turned on for your man!” and “Does your man want you to initiate sex more? Here’s how!” and my personal favorite, “6 mistakes women make and why”.

I was disgusted, this is the culture we’re living in. Sex is not just for “your man”. Sex is for you, sex is for you and your partner together. This is why women are sexually confused, why we view men as sexual beings but not women, and the real reason why women don’t initiate sex. Because we’re told we’re not supposed to, we’re supposed to do what our man wants, whatever makes him happy because sex is for him.

Update for anyone who agrees with anything I just wrote: SEX IS GREAT FOR MEN AND WOMEN. If your partner is not concerned with your orgasm or your sexual pleasure then say goodbye. It’s not all about the man, just because a guy can cum in under thirty seconds doesn’t mean he should.

Women don’t initiate sex because our culture puts so much pressure on the “quick, fast fuck”. Movies, porn and T.V. rarely show the intimacy that takes place, the touching and kissing and whispering. The foreplay that’s needed to make sex great, just because a man doesn’t need foreplay to cum doesn’t mean it’s not important for both people involved. As women our sexuality is a huge part of us, we are seen as sexual symbols and objects, yet some men aren’t even concerned with making sex pleasurable for a woman.

I was looking for educated articles explaining the psychological reasons why women are less likely to initiate sex and I got advice on how to get turned on fast enough for a man to still be interested in fucking me. This is why women who are sexually active have never had orgasms, because as a society we don’t tell men it’s important to not be selfish lovers, we don’t tell them the absolute magic that happens when you cum at the same time as your partner. Men need to be educated on this, it is both men and women’s responsibility to have good sex, it shouldn’t be one sided and initiating should come from a place of desire and comfort, not worry that your man won’t want you if you don’t touch his dick first.

This is why we need feminism.


Author: Schoarwi

My name is Cori and I'm twenty four years old. So far, life has been a crazy whirlwind of struggles I never imagined and happiness I never knew possible. I graduated college with a Bachelors in Communication in 2015 and since then I've been bouncing around trying to find somewhere that I fit. I am a planner, I love to plan out events, I love budgeting my money and I love knowing what is going to happen next. My biggest struggle that I've had to come to terms with is that no one ever knows how their life is going to turn out. I'm still struggling, especially when things don't go the way I planned. I'm (proudly) in the best relationship I've ever been in and he has two daughters who have blessed my life. I'm living in my hometown despite dreams of leaving and I work for my dad (which I swore I'd never do). Eighteen year old Cori would be so disappointed in the way things ended up, but I'm much happier now than I was when I was eighteen anyway, so screw her.

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